It took so long to choose the name of Baylee for my second son. I knew I wanted something gender neutral. I was obsessed with this show Snow on ABC or something. I choose to use Bay from the show and Lee to give him a more masculine option when he grew up. An ominous foreshadowing that I overlooked. As for his middle name I wanted to honor his father. So, his middle name became Christopher. The last name is customary here to use the name of the father, which I did. Just before the baby shower cake needed to be ordered his name came together.

Fastforward 3 years my marriage had dissolved. A story in which has yet to be told. Long story short the marriage was abusive and when the abuse turned towards my kids I left. It took two tries to finally get away from that man. I’ll write about it eventually.

There were signs.

I didn’t connect the dots.

Therapy says this wasn’t my fault, but I still feel like it is.

I’m writing this today to highlight the frequency in which this occurs and that there is unfortunately absolutely no one you can truly trust with your children. A lesson that my children and I learned the hard way.

It was his father.

I remember when he was born. We both could have died if it weren’t for the quick actions of my birth team.

I wasn’t the first person to hold my baby. He was.

Baby in hand. I celebrated New Years Eve in bed, A new family of four.

My four-year-old was acting strange. So happy to attend preschool, he willingly rode the bus ten minutes down the street to go to school. Started having accidents at school Terrified to go to the bathroom a daily change of clothes had to be sent.

He started to wear long clothes to completely cover his body. Even in summer.

My five-year-old threatened to commit suicide.

Seven-years-old the long clothes continue.

The one day the disclosure. I’d like to say it hit like a ton of bricks but it didn’t. I knew it was coming by this time.

“My father tried to put a Pokémon in my ####”

I reported to CPS, they came out. We went to a forensic interview, my son said nothing. Dead end.

Here we are two years later, and nothing has happened. CPS and the police have left the case open with no further action taken.

A name that started out joyful became sour. Filled with disgust and sins.

My son changed his name, and I let him. You can understand why.

Introducing Baylee Blake Rodriguez, my second son.